


Where There's Smoke

by Lirazel



Category: Press Gang
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-29
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 05:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirazel/pseuds/Lirazel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't afford to be stupid: there are crocodiles, and where there's smoke, there's fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where There's Smoke

There are things you wonder when you know you're about to die. The cliche says that your life flashes before your eyes, you cycle through regrets, relive your most treasured memories, gain a little perspective on who you are and how you got to this place.

Lynda isn't the kind to think about the past--it's always been the future for her. She's also never been the kind for cliches, and she's never had any patience for those who are.

But now, in this moment, with smoke and heat wrapping themselves around her, Lynda wonders when she became this person. When she decided that the only way to get what she wanted was to be a stone-cold, hard-eyed, steel-spine-ed bitch--a monster, Spike said. Maybe it was when Kenny left and took the only conscience she ever had with him. Maybe it was one of the times when she thought that she'd lost Spike for good. Most likely it was little steps along the way till one day she arrived at this place, her past finally catching up with her, and had to take a long, hard look at herself.

This is who she is. And she knows the truth of herself: she's never going to be soft-hearted like Kenny or good-natured like Spike or open-minded like Sarah, and she doesn't want to be. She's proud of her strength, proud that nothing holds her back, that she knows what she wants and she goes after with everything she has. She would never change that about herself.

But she does wish she could show it a bit more, show that she cares. Because she _does_ , no matter what anyone says. But truth be told, she's seen an inordinate number of young people die, most of them because of their own choices, and that sort of thing gets to her--yes, even to Lynda Day--in ways she never could--never would--articulate. Maybe it's fear, that makes her this way: fear that one day it won't be a David or a boy in a clown mask or a what's-his-name. Maybe one day it'll be Tiddler or Colin or Frazz or Julie. Maybe one day it'll be Sarah or Kenny. Maybe one day it'll be Spike.

Yes, maybe it's fear. Maybe she's crushed between the fear of losing someone who really matters and the fear of not getting what she wants, what she's planned, what she's worked so hard for. Maybe those possibilities, haunting her future with the faces of her past, are crushing the life out of her.

Because though no one else would see it that way, to Lynda, both of those possibilities would be weak, and Lynda despises weakness, almost as much as she despises stupidity. She despises both of them most in herself. To not keep the people she counts as hers safe, to not attain all that she's planned...weakness. Unimaginable.

Which is why she won't go quietly. Even if it would be easier to curl up and let it all slip away, to give up the fight and surrender to her fears, she won't. Not ever. Because Lynda Day doesn't give in.

\--

The heat is so intense her skin is prickling, her eyes watering. The smoke is so thick her lungs burn and she can't see a foot in front of her face. The fire roars around her, and she never knew it could be so loud.

But she gets up.

And takes a step.

And then another step.

This is who she is.

Lynda Day isn't going quietly.


End file.
